were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
