I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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