I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
