No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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