Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
