If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
