these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
