when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
