We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
