I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
