And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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