Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish i was in the wii world.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
