Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
