just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
