I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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