dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
