You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
