Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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