2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
