i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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