**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
