I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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