im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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