Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
