Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
