she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
