I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I could make wine with my vomit
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
