My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
