Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
