He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
