HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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