Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
