It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
