Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
