is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
