I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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