It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
