Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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