What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
