You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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