My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize