i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Drake has all the answers
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize