Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
