what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
