I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
