we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
