where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
