i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
