I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
