I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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