my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
