I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
