I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
