i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize