she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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