Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
