eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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