I haven't been this sober since birth.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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