i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
