that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
