I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
