The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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