She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
