Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
