it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
