see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
