Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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