did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
