Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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