it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
