I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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