This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
