I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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