I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
