if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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