do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
