I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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