Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
