how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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