I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
