I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
