A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
