are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
