I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
