Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
