So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
