Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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