I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
