She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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